To sum up my mission trip to Tanzania in a few words, it was the best two weeks of my life. And although everyone is telling me that the high will come and go, it's going on two weeks and I'm still pretty damn high. Because I can still see clearly how depraved I am and I'm clinging to God with everything I have.
Tanzania was a struggle. It was freaking hard. I'm not good with kids, I'm not good at Swahili, and hell, I'm not even good at loving my church members. But God showed me in spite of my shortcomings, He is good. So I'm just gonna do what I do best, just jump in. Act the fool, be undignified, because we're not supposed to live a glorious life. We're living all for His glory. And I'm learning to let go, bit by bit, more of myself. And I firmly believe that until I can completely surrender myself to Him, I'm not going to be able to be used as He wishes to use me.
I'm struggling every moment of every day, beginning to end. And it's so tiring. This week has been super stressful. So many things have gone wrong. I want to put myself in isolation, to run to worldly things that'll numb the pain for a moment. But I'm finally starting to break for what matters. I find myself wanting to pour myself out for others. So I want to feel every ounce of suffering, every ounce of pain. Satan, bring it. I'm a sinner, I deserve everything that's coming. But God's gonna pull through, like He has been this week for me.
Mark 3:5 -> And he looked around at them with anger, grieved at their hardness of heart, and said to the man, "Stretch out your hand." He stretched it out, and his hand was restored.
Right now, this is how I feel. The hardness of hearts in America, that includes me and everyone around me, infuriates me. And I want to cry out and reach out to God that he would restore our hearts so that we can enjoy just everything as it was meant to be. I pray that He may take away distractions and allow us to focus on Him.
So as I titled this blog, I don't want to be comfortable. I'm actually starting to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
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